Child Discipline (2)
Last time we began looking at a father’s responsibility to bring up his children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4) It is interesting that the word translated ‘father’ here is translated ‘parents’ in Heb. 11:23. Though the father leads in this, if the mother is not consistent with his leading, children will be encouraged to play one against the other to their own advantage.
When our children chose wrong, the following steps were very helpful. They are taken from the way God chastises His children as outlined in Hebrews 12.
1) Choose your battles. Not every foolishness should be driven out by the rod of correction. Some is just a child learning how life works. But when you give a clear command, it needs to be obeyed or consequences will follow.
2) Be sure the child heard the command and was able to do it.
3) If the children clearly rebelled against what you said, either by refusing to do it, or by willfully neglecting it, then the rod of correction must be applied or you are also being disobedient. (Prov. 22:15)
4) Start by examining yourself. Did you do anything to encourage it by word or action? Instead of discipline, it may mean an apology is in order.
5) Spend time grieving over the sin. How will this sin destroy your child if left unchecked? Reflecting on this will keep you from disciplining for wrong motives like “I’m the boss and you challenged ME!” Your goal is not to punish the child, for the wages of sin is death. Neither is it to prove your authority. You already have that from God. Instead, you are bringing a small consequence for sin to save him from a huge consequence if it remains unchecked. This is love!
6) Take the child to a private place. God rarely disciplined in public in the Bible.
7) Share with your child your grief over the sin. Remember, the hardest ‘spanking’ given in the Bible was a look of disappointment. Read about it in Luke 22:61. For this to be effective, of course, an intimate communion with the child must already be established.
8) Open the Scriptures and share what God says about what he did or didn’t do. Also share the Biblical basis for what you must do in response.
9) Use a neutral object. Don’t spank with your hand. Review what your hands are for in a previous article. The Bible speaks of the “rod of correction” and of the “blueness of a wound.” (Prov. 20:30) The goal is pain without physical harm.
10) How many times a child is spanked depends on his age, the seriousness of his offense, how many times it has been dealt with before, and his response. A rebellious child will find ways to rebel even in the spanking. Don’t allow it!
11) To this point you have avoided any physical contact with the child such as hugs. His sin has affected your fellowship. But if the spanking is effective, the will is broken and the child will genuinely repent. When this happens, it is time for restoration with hugs, rejoicing, and prayer for his future choices.
12) Arrange for any restitution to be made. If something costs money, require him to pay in some way. Sin is forgiven but that does not eliminate consequences. One consequence is their need to rebuild a good name by future integrity. (Prov. 22:1)