Having a Spiritual Family Vacation

Having a Spiritual Family Vacation

My son recently sent me a link to an article that gives principles for having a successful family vacation. (http://sovereigngraceministries.org/Blog/file.axd?file=62.Leading%2bFamilyVacations.pdf) The author, C.J. Mahaney, shares many good ideas. I would like to borrow his outline and add some commentary of my own.
The success of a family vacation, the author claims, is found in the attitude of the father. He suggests seven things to concentrate on when traveling or just spending time together.
1. A Servant Heart
When a father says, “I deserved this time off work and I going to do what I want to do for a change,” he is setting up a scenario for conflicts. James says wars and fightings come from our own lusts or desires. (4:1) In contrast, Jesus “came not to be ministered unto but to minister.” (Matt. 20:28) If we as fathers focus on how to make the vacation a memorable experience for the others in the family, we will receive the greatest reward ourselves. It was years after we were married that I clued in that a vacation to our parents was most rewarding when I determined to help them with projects they needed done, rather than use their house as temporary housing for my own plans.
2. A Tone-Setting Attitude
As fathers, will we be energy givers or energy suckers to others in the family? Will we display a grateful spirit no matter what the circumstances? Will we be tenderhearted and forgiving when others blow it, and humble when we do? These attitudes will make or break a vacation.
3. An Awareness of Indwelling Sin
Too often, when we relax, we let down our guard. Then temptation to sin only increases. Guard yourself and each other from situations when you are tempted to compromise what you know is right.
4. Studying Your Family
Ask yourself, what do they want to do? Better, what would be best for them to do? What places and activities will best leave a lasting memory in their lives and build them personally? Also what situations will cause conflict between children and how can these be avoided?
5. Skillful Surprises
Our vacations have almost always been to visit family or friends. So where we were going was no surprise. But even these visits can include surprises that make memories. Plan some ahead of time. Do things you wouldn’t normally do and share with each other how you enjoyed them.
6. Intentionally Together
A family vacation is designed to spend more relaxed time together as a family. Don’t allow ‘everyone doing their own thing’ attitudes to ruin that. Time is too short and vacations too expensive to miss getting to know one another on a different level.
7. Gratefulness to God
Do your children view you as a grateful person? Show them during those extended times with you what gratitude is all about.
Probably you can add other things to this list. Pray over it. Let’s make vacation time a God centered time in our own lives and in our investments in our families.

Happy Father’s Day!

It almost seems that, historically, after Mother’s Day was established, Father’s Day followed just for the sake of equal recognition. Today the role of father is under vicious attack by feminists and others who want to marginalize our importance. This is in direct rebellion against what God has said in His Word.
We have already examined the responsibility of fathers to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. But in order for a father to take this responsibility seriously, he must have a heart to do so.
Someone else has said, too many men want to live as if they are married before the wedding, and live as if they are single afterward. I have heard men talk about “my time” and “family time” in a way that implies if they tithe their leisure time to the family, they deserve a reward. The same is done with money. In contrast, Scripture indicates that parenting is a full time job for fathers as well as mothers.
This is not a new problem. Four hundred years before Christ, Malachi prophesied, “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.” The work of this Elijah like prophet would be to first, turn the hearts of children to their fathers and then to turn the hearts of fathers to their children. This is speaking of the importance of family relationships in the coming and spread of the Gospel. Let’s focus on ways for us as fathers to turn our hearts to our own children.
First, get a proper perspective. Though your child may be very young and foolish right now, don’t forget that he or she is made in the image of God and will develop largely as you direct. Will they know the ways of God if the instruction you gave them this week continues? Will they walk in the ways of God if they follow your example this week?
Second, accept your responsibility. When God gave you your child/children, the obligation tag was attached. If you say to your wife, “I’ll earn the living and you do the training,” you are disobeying God’s direct command. Instead, talk with some successful fathers around you about ways you can implement a regular plan of training in their lives.
Third, be patient. Too often I responded to my children’s foolishness in anger. This only made them afraid and hurt our relationship until I apologized. They are learning but we must give them time. The reward is worth the effort.
Bringing a child up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is a daunting task. Wives ought to daily pray for their husbands in this responsibility. And for those who are working at it, God’s grace is upon you to be successful!

Large Families

Recently five men from our church were sitting in a circle, discussing family issues. I commented, “We five are the fathers of 39 children.” Obviously we don’t represent the average family heads. But it does remind us to view our children from God’s perspective.
The record for the most children in modern times is tied at 69! The one in South America had to chase her children away so she had room for the next ones. She even named some the same as older ones because she ran out of names! 
It is surprising to me how few large families of monogamous marriages are found in Scripture. I haven’t worked it out, but the average seems to be about the same as the world average today, which is 2.25 children/woman of childbearing age.
If God entrusts a couple with many children, this is first His blessing, according to Scripture. “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.” (Psalm 127:3-5) Surely no one would go to war with one or two arrows. This is obviously speaking of the joy of a large family. The next Psalm speaks of the blessed man as, one whose wife “shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.”
But the care and training of a large number of children is also a tremendous responsibility. Each child has individual needs for love, affection, instruction, and discipline. Each child is an individual creation of God with a unique set of strengths and weaknesses. They simply cannot all be treated the same. A father and mother will need time to learn what God gave them and train him/her according to his/her natural bend. In short, each child adds exponentially more responsibility onto the parenting task.
One of the most famous large families of a past generation was the Gilbraiths (Cheaper by the Dozen). Frank wanted 12 children for the express purpose of showing that a home could be run like a well-oiled machine. In contrast the Biblical home is not a machine but an organism, a God-ordained unit that is to be God-centered in every way.
I have known a number of large families over the years. Too often I have seen Christian parents view their many children with either pride (Our family is ‘in your face’ to Planned Parenthood) or as Frank Gilbraith did, as only a unit, and not as individuals. Sadly I have rarely known a large home where all the children grew up to honor the Lord.
The care and training of many children is a daunting task. How kind are the single adults or those with few children who are aware of these pressures and who offer assistance whenever possible.
Many children can bring multiple honor to the Lord when trained properly. But they can also bring multiple shame if neglected.

Family Fun Night

For years parents were told, “It’s not the quantity of time you spend with your children that counts, it’s the quality.” I finally came to the conclusion this is a cope out. The average father spends about 5 minutes a day with his children, and about 8 minutes a day on the weekend. A quality 5 minutes is practically meaningless.
The agrarian society of Israel was conducive to spending most of the day together as a family. The boys would help their father on the farm, and the girls would work with their mother in the home. The industrial revolution changed all that and, ever since, we must fight to have quality and quantity time with our children. Good intentions just don’t cut it.
One solution many homes have tried is called a Family Fun Night. A family sets aside an entire evening to be spent together. No one is allowed to schedule other activities that night. Each child old enough gets to choose the (reasonable and affordable) activity for that week. Some ideas might include board games, playing ball in the front or back yard, going to the park, wrestling, outdoor games, putting a puzzle together, singing together, reading a book together. Others?
I purposely left out watching the TV or a video together. I well remember the first TV our family got. I was in elementary school and we were the third family on our block to get the black and white set. Programs started at 4:00pm with a half hour of test pattern. Then came the excitement- Captain Video and his TV Rangers! Before getting a TV, our living room was set up so that chairs faced each other. In the evenings, we would talk and share our lives together. When the TV entered, the chairs were rearranged so that they all faced the box. How many times I remember yelling at my sister or being yelled at by my brother for “blocking my view.” The programs were wholesome and family oriented. The humor was clean and funny. But our family now focused on what was being presented from the box, rather than on each other.
This does not mean TV shows or videos can’t have a place. If the instruction is turned into a discussion time together, it serves a purpose. But my suggestion is to center your family time on each other, on building relationships and making memories, rather than on being entertained. In our fast paced society, most of us have to schedule time so this vital part of family life is accomplished.