Child Discipline (3)

Scriptures says that fathers (parents) are to bring up their children in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord.” (Eph 6:4) This certainly includes chastening, as we discussed before. But it also includes instruction. God told Israel the secret of instructing our children. In Isaiah 28: 9-10 He said, “Whom shall he teach knowledge? and whom shall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breasts. For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little:” This tells us at what age we should begin: when they are very young! Don’t wait until school age to begin. Second, it tells how children should be instructed. Our instruction should be precept upon precept. One of the laws of learning is that a lesson is built on previously known material. God thought of that first. Precepts are built on precepts.
God also tells us when to instruct them. In Deuteronomy 6:7-9 We are told, “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.” This is more specifics on Isaiah’s “here a little, and there a little.” In education they are called ‘teachable moments’ when a child asks a question and is interested to know the answer. That is when instruction is best accomplished. Also, when two children are having a conflict, instead of just rendering a verdict, teach them the reason for the conflict and the rules for solving them. In short, turn every situation into a lesson.
God mentions four specific times of instruction: getting up in the morning, going to bed at night, sitting at the table or in the house, and traveling together. Research indicates that the times of greatest conflict in a home are getting up, going to bed, meal times, and travel in the car. Thus, God is saying, instead of allowing these to be times of conflict, turn them into times of instruction and getting to know Him and His Word better.
Instruction is built around Scripture. Memorizing Scripture as a family is easy if you just say a few verses every time you sit down for a meal. By repeating them over and over, they will stick. Further, the Lord will often give situations in the family or events around you to apply the verses to life.
Our time together as a family should include “here a little and there a little” instruction, so that the Lord and His Word become an integral part of everything that goes on in the home.

Child Discipline (2)

Last time we began looking at a father’s responsibility to bring up his children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4) It is interesting that the word translated ‘father’ here is translated ‘parents’ in Heb. 11:23. Though the father leads in this, if the mother is not consistent with his leading, children will be encouraged to play one against the other to their own advantage.
When our children chose wrong, the following steps were very helpful. They are taken from the way God chastises His children as outlined in Hebrews 12.
1) Choose your battles. Not every foolishness should be driven out by the rod of correction. Some is just a child learning how life works. But when you give a clear command, it needs to be obeyed or consequences will follow.
2) Be sure the child heard the command and was able to do it.
3) If the children clearly rebelled against what you said, either by refusing to do it, or by willfully neglecting it, then the rod of correction must be applied or you are also being disobedient. (Prov. 22:15)
4) Start by examining yourself. Did you do anything to encourage it by word or action? Instead of discipline, it may mean an apology is in order.
5) Spend time grieving over the sin. How will this sin destroy your child if left unchecked? Reflecting on this will keep you from disciplining for wrong motives like “I’m the boss and you challenged ME!” Your goal is not to punish the child, for the wages of sin is death. Neither is it to prove your authority. You already have that from God. Instead, you are bringing a small consequence for sin to save him from a huge consequence if it remains unchecked. This is love!
6) Take the child to a private place. God rarely disciplined in public in the Bible.
7) Share with your child your grief over the sin. Remember, the hardest ‘spanking’ given in the Bible was a look of disappointment. Read about it in Luke 22:61. For this to be effective, of course, an intimate communion with the child must already be established.
8) Open the Scriptures and share what God says about what he did or didn’t do. Also share the Biblical basis for what you must do in response.
9) Use a neutral object. Don’t spank with your hand. Review what your hands are for in a previous article. The Bible speaks of the “rod of correction” and of the “blueness of a wound.” (Prov. 20:30) The goal is pain without physical harm.
10) How many times a child is spanked depends on his age, the seriousness of his offense, how many times it has been dealt with before, and his response. A rebellious child will find ways to rebel even in the spanking. Don’t allow it!
11) To this point you have avoided any physical contact with the child such as hugs. His sin has affected your fellowship. But if the spanking is effective, the will is broken and the child will genuinely repent. When this happens, it is time for restoration with hugs, rejoicing, and prayer for his future choices.
12) Arrange for any restitution to be made. If something costs money, require him to pay in some way. Sin is forgiven but that does not eliminate consequences. One consequence is their need to rebuild a good name by future integrity. (Prov. 22:1)

Child Discipline (1)

The Apostle Paul said in Ephesians 6:4, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The Greek word translated ‘nurture’ is translated 4 of its 6 appearances with the word ‘chasten’ or ‘chastisement.’ (Hebrews 12:5,7,8,11) Thus Paul is admonishing parents, especially fathers, to raise their children in the chastening and encouraging instruction of the Lord. Together, these make up child discipline, or disciple making.
Why does he mention chastening before instruction? It is not because children are to be chastised before they know what is expected of them. Instead, it might be because a child will not be instructed until he is listening and often the sin nature is hindering that readiness to listen.
It isn’t long after bringing our little bundle of joy into the world that we realize our baby may not have inherited his mother’s eyes or his father’s nose, but he surely did inherit, without exception, his parents’ sin nature! At too early an age, the child is ready to take on full grown adults, twice his height and 10 times his weight, for the number one place of authority in his life. You have to at least give them credit for bravery!
We have all been in a store and seen a parent capitulate to her child in order to bring about temporary peace. I heard the story of a 12 year-old boy who ruled his mother by threatening to undress in public if she didn’t give him his way in everything. Ask me how that one came out! When I witness such, I pity the parent and the child. That pattern, if left unchecked, will bring deep pain and suffering to both of them in years to come.
Of course, each child is different and some are much more compliant than others. The good news is that, those children who constantly challenge the rules are often the most successful if that challenge is met with a clear understanding of where the boundary ends.
The first task of a father, then, is to discern if his child is really rebelling against his authority. If he (or she) is, then here is a biblical perspective on that challenge. This is not a choice between immediate peace or conflict. It is a battle for the soul of your children. After all, proper discipline may save his soul from hell! (Prov. 23:14) This is a battle between you and the devil for God’s heritage that has been entrusted to you. You have the encouragement of the Father, the power of the resurrected Christ, the wisdom of the Scripture, and the fear of the consequence to motivate you to win it. You simple must win!
Next week we will look at a specific strategy to accomplish the victory!

Four Spirits of a Godly Woman

In my opinion, mothers should be honored much more often than once a year. Although some mothers are not worthy of honor, most of the mothers I have known are more precious than gold!
Being a wife and mother is not an easy task. It requires much giving with a disproportionately small amount of getting. It requires following, even when you know it is the wrong way. Success in this comes to those who have the right spirit. Let’s look at four of them.
1) A reverent spirit. The last verse of Ephesians 5 admonishes, “and the wife, see that she reverence her husband.” This does not mean worship nor does it mean she is blind to her husband’s weaknesses. Peter speaks of Sarah calling her husband “Lord.” (1 Peter 3:6). Significantly, he says that the holy woman of old did not need to trust their husbands to follow her example. They “trusted in God.” (5) In other words, they so trusted God’s sovereign, loving control that they believed God could even bring good from the mistakes of their husbands. Sarah certainly saw that happen.
2) A servant spirit. God created the woman to be the helper of her husband so that, together, they can accomplish His will. She is born to be a servant. If this sounds demeaning, remember that Jesus said He came to be a servant as well. (Matt. 20:28) You are in good company! A servant is someone whose goal is to make someone else a success. A wife who publicly criticizes her husband is declaring that she is failing at her primary task!
3) A grateful spirit. Gratefulness is admonished of us all (1 Thess. 5:18) but it is especially powerful in a wife and mother. Gratefulness flows from contentment. (1 Tim. 6:8) It is saying, “I am thankful for where I am and what I have. I am satisfied in God.” Such a spirit will naturally flow into the hearts of her children and make her home a little bit of heaven on earth.
4) A meek and quiet spirit. Peter again says, “Whose adorning let it be . . . the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” (3:3-4) This would be the opposite of a contentious and an angry woman, mentioned in Proverbs 21:19. It is the spirit of Christ for He said, “I am meek and lowly in heart.” (Matt. 11:29) Meekness is not weakness but strength under control. It is giving my expectations to God to be fulfilled in His time and way. (Psalm 62:5) It is resting quietly in the Lord. God counts this spirit very precious indeed!
Thank God for the godly women in our midst! We husbands, parents, and children rise up and call you blessed! (Prov. 31:28)

Just for Singles

Just for Singles

Granted, marriage is the usual path taken by young adults. After all, this is God’s design for bringing children into the world. But it should not be thought of as the ‘normal path.’ It is also ‘normal’ to stay single, according to Scripture.
The most extensive passage on the subject is in 1 Corinthians chapter 7. Verse 27 admonishes, “Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.” How contrary this is to the normal thinking of our society! When I was in college, some seniors experienced what was called “senior panic.” Students about to graduate realized that the quantity of potential mates was about to be dramatically reduced! In their panic, they lowered their standard and increased their search intensity. I know of one senior who was engaged two weeks after meeting a girl. Whew! Just under the wire!
We could understand this thinking from the world, but it is out of place for the trusting Christian, whether male or female. God is sovereign, right? So He is able to bring two young people together at the proper time, right? That means, if we are walking by faith, we will trust and not fret about the matter of marriage.
Paul goes on in the passage to list the reasons for the admonition. First, marriage brings trouble in the flesh. (28) Second, the time is short and it is better to concentrate on our present service. After all, this world is quickly passing away. (29-31) Third, marriage rearranges our priorities. (32-35). A single person can concentration on his or her service for God, while a married person is expected to bump that priority below pleasing his wife or her husband. One definition of ‘please’ here is “to accommodate one’s self to the opinions, desires, and interests of others.” It is, of course, assumed that the single person is desiring first to please (same word) and serve the Lord. Your extra free time is so “. . . that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.” (35)
Paul is not saying that marriage is sin, or even bad as some have accused him. He is just saying that, if God so call you, you can accomplish more for God single than married. He is focusing not on what you don’t have (a mate) but on what you do have (more time and attention to serve Christ), not on the freedom you have to ‘not be tied down,’ but on the freedom to give more time for God’s service now.
It behooves the church to honor the single young people who, for however long, use their time and talents to serve Him.  They may be pitied by some, but they are honored and blessed by the Lord. We should also keep before them this thinking: if God brings a mate into your life, wonderful! In the meantime, instead of focusing on the search, concentrate on His service.